June 24 2019 - After my CT results showing the cancer had spread to both my lungs, oral chemo was off the table. As noted in my past post it took a lot for me to agree to have IV chemo treatment again; I just had enough and I didn't think I could do it any longer in that very moment....well I was wrong, I can do it, I can fight.
The scary part this time is, I don't know how many rounds I'll be receiving or if it'll even work? The plan is to do two rounds (which is 6 weeks; Chemo Day 1, chemo day 8, rest a week) and then have a repeat CT scan. I'm very nervous that this treatment, like the others, isn't going to work again, but I have to give it a shot - I can't have any "what if's" hanging over my head.
On April 25th, at 815am I started my new treatment plan at Bluewater Health in Sarnia. The treatment "cocktail" has me on a very harsh chemo drug called Cisplatin and a "softer" (if you will) drug in comparison called Gemcitabine. These two drugs will be administered on Day 1 through IV, along with my anti nausea pills and steroids; yep the steroids are back into play.
Today is a day full of emotions. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to scream and cry all over again - does the answer yet exist? Why is this happening to me? Why am I having to go through all of this AGAIN?
Still nothing.
My blood work is showing good counts; so I'm ready to go - I've been called back to pick a "chair". No surprise I've picked the same chair, when available, every time; it's like home anymore when I take a seat. It's great to see all the familiar faces of the nurses and volunteers, but also upsetting. I hit that damn gong, not only once, but twice - I was done with this place and done with treatment - everything was supposed to go as planned. Why, dammit, why. It's no ones fault, but I can feel the "awe poor girl" behind every "hello, nice to see you" in the chemo suite - even I am feeling sorry for myself.
Again, without fail, mom and dad accompany me for treatment. Today is going to be a long day; a possible 6-8 hours of IV treatment. I've brought my chemo bag with me packed full of distractions to get me through the day.
Once the nurses started to access my port and start the chemotherapy, I tried to keep a brave front, I tried to stay positive and keep the smile on my face. But I couldn't stop the escaping tear or two from rolling down my cheeks. Here we go.... please please work this time.
As 3 o'clock approaches, I'm finally ready to go home. Today didn't go bad, it was just a long day.
The next part of this round is on May 2nd 2019 - unfortunately I never make it to the chemo suite, due to hospitalization. This will be discussed in my next post on how I am feeling of treatments and side effects.
Round 2, only 3 more weeks to go and then we do the repeat CT scan (fingers crossed). May 16th 2019 I'm headed back to the suite to start Day 1 treatment.
Counts are good and I'm ready to receive treatment. Another long day today, thank goodness for the company I get while I'm up there; between mom, dad, Brittany, Katelyn and Drew time does go by fast.
Today seems a lot easier to get through. I'm in the know of what is going on and I'm aware of the side effects and how my body is going to handle them....seems to be no more surprises coming my way. (lord help me, I don't need anymore surprises).
Of course I have to give a shoutout to the nurses that are up there every day, making everything that much easier - honestly, you'll never know how important you all are, thank you.
The day is over and surprise I'm headed home for a nap. Even though I'm not doing anything but sitting in a chair, believe me or not, it's exhausting.
Round 2, day 1 in the books - now if I can only make it to the next scheduled treatment Day 8.
May 23rd 2019, I'm well enough to make it to Bluewater Health chemo suite for the second part of round 2, day 8. Unfortunately, I may feel okay, but my body isn't cooperating. My blood work comes back and my counts are too low to go head with chemo today. I'm .1 away from a go a head. We try again tomorrow.
May 24th 2019, repeat bloodwork - I'm good to go! My counts are high enough to receive treatment.
I have to admit, it's a weird feeling to be "happy" to have high enough counts to receive treatment, but I have to pump myself up the day of chemo, it feels like a success.
Today is going to be a shorter day, 2 hours at the most if all goes well. Treatment will consist of; steroid pills, anti nausea meds and the gemcitabine drug again. This is the softer of the two drugs I'm receiving, so I should be a okay during and after treatment.
I'm hooked up and all goes well today, in and out it seems compared to Day 1 and the 6 rounds I had back in the fall/winter months.
Day 8 seems to shine a little light on this back to chemotherapy thing...
Positive Note: I've already completed 2 rounds of chemotherapy treatment. Yes, it wasn't the easiest to mentally get through - but I did. I am going to move forward from here on out hoping for the best for myself.