Feb 13th 2019 - Feb 1st 2019, today I have a follow up appointment with my oncologist, it's been 7 weeks since my last round of chemotherapy and 3 weeks since surgery. A bit different travel plans today....we get to stay in Sarnia for this appointment! Woo Hoo!
I head to Bluewater Health, up to the Oncology department with Mom, Dad and Drew - yes I had my "crew" with me today as my extra set of ears.
I start out today with getting blood works done before my appointment with the doctor. Also, I have a little bit of extra time so I get my port flushed as well, (this needs to be done once a month seeing as it's still in my body attached to a vein in my neck) mid as well kill two birds with one stone eh!
Waiting in the room for the doctor is a bit cramped with 4 of us in there, soon to be 5 when he arrives... but oh well, we chat and make light of the situation - everyone including myself is in a good mood today. The shocking news we received just one week ago today hasn't sunk in completely but we have seemed to move on and start looking for the positive, the hope daily.
On a side note, I have to tell you how my day started off! (this is why I was in such a great mood and confident everything was going to be okay)
I am a firm believer of "signs from above", loved ones that want you to know they are there with you even if you can't seem them...and today I received all the signs and comfort knowing I was in good hands.
In the morning, I was at Drew's house having coffee.... went to let the dog out the back patio door, for some reason I looked down... and right there was a dime peaking out from the register cover just waiting for me to see! Next, I was waiting for y name to be called for blood work to be done, and a feather floated out of no where landing on the arm of the chair I was sitting in!!
Now, tell me those aren't loved ones saying "hello" :)
Alright, back to the appointment.....
The doctor arrives and of course the first thing he says "looks like we don't have the best of news, do we?" Already knowing what is going on, we all give a sheepish "no, not really".
Right away the question is asked... what his thoughts are and what the next steps will be.
I know I always praise the nurses, but my oncologist at Bluewater Health is just as great, I have complete trust in him and he treats me with the utmost respect as a person, not just as a patient. I can't thank him enough for helping me along this journey.
I'm told that what we have isn't the best news, but we are going to deal with it and he has a few thoughts to run by me.
We are still going to wait the 3 months for the next CT Scan on the lung - but in the meantime he is giving me 2 choices at this point.
1st: Do nothing. Sit back, relax take it day to day and see what happens - WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME... F THIS NO WAY - my mind starts yelling.
2nd: start back on a chemotherapy treatment - WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME - again my mind starts yelling.
With nothing but a blank stare and confusion, I ask him to explain?
I know I can't receive anymore chemo by IV and I can't get the same treatment.. I'm at my max right now between this bout of treatment and the one I had when I was 16yrs old, chemo didn't work on the tumour this time, we know this, it's a proven fact... I'm just so shocked right now... you want to do chemo again?
What the doctor would like me to do is start oral chemotherapy treatments for the next 6 months. This "cocktail" is a sister to the first part of the "cocktail" I received that showed a tiny bit of shrinkage - FEC.
I would be on a 21 day cycle... taking UP TO 10 pills daily for 14 days straight, the next 7 days would be week off the treatment, again, starting the treatment up again for the next 14 days and so on, continuing for the 6 month, duration.
the doctor would like to start this next treatment plan, right after radiation is complete.
I can't help but look at my parents with worry and fear, and they know it. But, these people are my lifeline and continue to show so much strength and courage, they have never once showed weakness, they truly are part of my backbone during this journey.
As they stay calm and ask question I can't even think of, I'm slowly brought back into the room... the shock yet again has hit me, but it seems to clear a lot faster then I thought it would stick around.
This is no means a guarantee it will work, but it's another step that is highly recommended to control (IF ANY) growth throughout my body - this meaning the possible spots on my right lung.
The doctor makes his case and shows evidence that it's a treatment plan that has had success - all eyes are on me, it's my call, I'm making the decision between the two options that are presented; just wait or take chemo... both don't seem fair to be honest.
Chemo it is.
Positive Note: when I thought there was nothing left, when there was no hope to do anything from here on out, I'm reminded that the doctors are not giving up. They are staying strong for me and helping me every step of the way.
It's time to get my head back in the game - CANCER I WANT YOU TO DIE.
